Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
