oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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