there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
