My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
