I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
