I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
