I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
