I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
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did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
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Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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