Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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