Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
