i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
