I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
