We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
