sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
