I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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