People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
