just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
