I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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