She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
