I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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