never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
