Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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