It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
