i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize