dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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