All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
MIDGETS
????
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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