why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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