my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
