Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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