# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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