i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
