see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
They are going to name an STD after you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
