Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
