the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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