i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
