im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
a search helicopter?!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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