I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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