I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
