Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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