I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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