Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
