I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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