it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
