There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
