brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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