Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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