They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
