just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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