I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
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