Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
