Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
