I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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