Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
