State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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