She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
