You can't special order awesome
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
In America we eat man semen.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
