this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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