I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We left the knife in your bed.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
