He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
40s are totally the cure
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
