K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize