we made out on top of his cat.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
