when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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