I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
