He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
