I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
